Jul 2, 2019
Joseph: “Last time on One Movie Punch…”
Amy: “All right, we’ve reached 30,000 feet. You can now unfasten your seat belts. I’ve put the plane on autopilot to rendezvous with the fan fleet.”
Keith: “An island? A plane?”
Garrett: “So, what’s the plan when we get there?”
Amy: “Well, first we’re going to try negotiations. And a press release.”
Ryan: “You know, this script could use a lot of work.”
Keith: “A fan fleet? I thought it was just some guy at a card table in a loft somewhere.”
Amy: “We’ll be there soon, Joseph!”
Joseph: “You know, when I said I would podcast for food and water, I didn’t expect more of the same things I’ve been eating for two weeks.”
Joseph: “Oh, very funny, guys!”
Joseph: “I guess I have the Super Media Bros to thank for this one.”
Joseph: “And now, broadcasting live from the fan fleet...”
Anchor: “Breaking news today, somewhere in the Pacific Ocean. The World News Network has received a cryptic video press release, from Amy Dobzynski, aka One Movie Spouse, the better half of the internationally-renowned podcast, One Movie Punch.”
Amy: “Good afternoon. As many of you know by now, One Movie Punch has been taken over by the Big Heads Media Podcast Network. In addition to the special broadcast, Joseph has been forced to put out reviews for their shows. “The Craft” was fine, but...”
Ryan: “If you can’t go on...”
Amy: “No, no... But, “Cloverfield”? What’s next? “10 Cloverfield Lane”? “The Cloverfield Paradox?!” How much can one man take? All I can think about is him all alone, in that bunker, being forced to put out movie reviews, and wondering just how much he’s suffering. We’re calling on the entire One Movie Punch fan fleet to publicize these episodes, sharing and retweeting them wherever possible, to raise awareness.”
Garrett: “And shortly, our forces will be storming the island, trained in Indonesian fighting techniques, along with the guns.”
Keith: “How many guns?”
Garrett: “ALL THE GUNS! GIMME ALL THE GUNS!”
Andrew: “Guys, the press release...”
Amy: “Right. We’re on our way, Joseph! Stand Strong!”
Joseph: “Meanwhile, on the island...”
Joseph: “Day three of their reviews. Not looking forward to today’s review, whatever it might be. Finished the three books I brought a week ago. And the first thing I’m doing after this siege is moving the massive One Movie Punch Movie Library into the bunker here. Or maybe extend the bunker to include our massive library. Now, that seems like a good idea...”
Joseph: “Here’s the third movie... on a VHS tape?”
Joseph: “I mean, of course I have a converter, but why would they go to all the trouble to submit the review on VHS? And it looks like it’s brand new, freshly pressed and recorded VHS tape without an overwrite tab? I’ll admit I’m intrigued. Let’s see what’s on this one...”
Joseph: “It almost looks like it hasn’t been played. So that’s what these folks look like. Did they make a set from the 1990s as well? And the movie is... oh COME ON! Not the first one or the second one, but third one? Are you serious?! I mean...”
Joseph: “FINE! You want to review this movie? Let’s put it together. Exporting the audio now. Do you have any idea how hard it will be to cut in the trailer portions? Off a VHS? Well, whatever you want, Retro Late Fee. And I imagine the late fee on this one is quite extensive.”
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Here we go!
<< RETRO LATE FEE PROMO >>
Intro: Welcome to Massive Late Fee and now your hosts, Mark and Carol.
Mark: Well, hello everyone! Welcome back to Massive Late Fee. My name is Mark, with me as always is my girlfriend Carol. How are you doing Carol?
Carol: Hey what's up?!
Mark: We've had a good week here today. The movie we're reviewing is Beverly Hills Cop from 1994 obviously.
Carol: Beverly Hills Cop 3
Mark: Yes, Beverly Hills Cop 3, an action comedy film directed by John Landis and written by Steven E. DeSouza. Be warned, that we are going to go through the plot of the movie so, if you haven't seen it, you're going to be spoiled. Carol, why don't you go through the plot of the movie.
Carol: Okay, so when his boss is killed, Eddie Murphy's character, detective Foley finds evidence that the murder has ties to a California amusement park called Wonderworld. Returning to Beverly Hills once more, he reunites with Detective Billy Rosewood, and they solve the crime along with Billy's new partner John Flint (Hector Elazando). And they discover that the security force of Wonderworld is actually part of a counterfeit money operation headed by park manager Orin Sanderson (John Saxton).
Mark: Oh, the... the legendary John Saxton.
Mark: Carol, what did you think of Beverly Hills Cop 3?
Carol: Well, let me tell ya, I loved Beverly Hills Cop 1.
Mark: Very good movie.
Carol: I kinda liked Beverly Hills Cop 2.
Mark: Pretty good.
Carol: They should have stopped there. I mean, this movie just made me sad. It’s like a taunting from my childhood. You know, like, hey, look at this great guy do these great adventures and... they just pooped all over it.
Mark: The original is obviously hilarious. And it has a great fish-out-of-water premise. The fish-out-of-water premise has run dry at this point. Eddie Murhpy seems so Beverly Hills anyway in his personality anyway at this point, that it's sort of not believable. The big failing of this is the screenplay, I think.
Carol: Yeah, yeah, the whole thing, it's just not a good story.
Mark: The Judge Reinhold who plays, what’s his name, Rosewood?
Carol: Yeah, Billy Rosewood.
Mark: Billy Rosewood and Alex Foley, obviously played by Eddie Murphy, they’re great in the movie. They both are good actors. They both have good comic chops. They have good chemistry together.
Mark: Which is nice. But the words they're given to say are not great. There are a couple funny jokes in the movie, the whole thing with when he goes to the police department, press two if you have homeless people on your lawn.
Carol: Yeah, that was funny.
Mark: But, for the most part, it's fairly devoid of comedy, and there's not much action at all.
Carol: Yeah. It was kind of funny to see him in that suit though, that elephant suit.
Mark: Oh, yeah, that was funny. One thing that they did right, or not necessarily right, but one thing they did successfully was that the sets, the costuming, the fact they used a real theme park and everything in some of the chase sequences. That was well filmed and well choreographed, so that was good. But, for the most part, the film kind of falls on his face.
Carol: Yeah. Yeah, they’re just, like you said, wringing it out, they are trying to squeeze blood out of a rag, here. Why do they have such a hard time letting things go?
Mark: But I think, I think, what would have been more interesting to me is, is put him in a different location.
Mark: Take him somewhere where he's more than a fish out of water.
Carol: Yeah, like the South or Europe or, yeah, there could have been lots of, yeah, that’s a good idea, you should write that.
Mark: They could have taken him to Russia. They could have taken him to the Middle East. Something like that. I think that would have made a more interesting movie. You could have still have brought Judge Reinhold in there somehow. You know, some kind of vacation together. You could have worked it out. Or maybe, his partner, his boss gets killed, and he can't trust anyone in the Detroit Police force, so he goes to he can trust, Billy Rosewood.
Carol: Right, and he was actually killed in the Middle East, so they have to go there to solve the crime.
Mark: So, they could have done something like that. You know, it would have been a little more topical, with the Persian Gulf War being only a couple of years ago. I think that would have been a better thing to do. This movie doesn't have anything original to say, and it doesn't have anything original to do.
Mark: Basically, they said, “Hey, we have access to a theme park, so let's use it!”
Mark: That was their, uh, it’s the “Jaws 3” mentality, where “Jaws 3” takes place inside a Seaworld type thing, and they thought it could be fun like that. And “Jaws 3” is where it really started to get bad.
Carol: This movie is like my two-year-old niece who made a joke and keeps telling it over and over and over to get the laughs that just have to stop coming.
Mark: Absolutely. It’s the law of diminishing returns. And it doesn’t appear more than in this film. If someone were forcing us to give it a score out of 10. I guess I would give it a 4.8 out of 10. That seems appropriate.
Mark: Now I suppose we should move on to our Blockbuster Pick of the... WHAT IS THAT?!
Carol: Oh my God!
Mark: Okay, everyone, here in our recording studio, my basement, a weird blue light has appeared.
Carol: I'm scared, hold me.
Mark: I think there’s... something’s moving inside of it. What is that?
Carol: I don’t know and I don’t want to find out.
Mark: There's a hand with a piece of paper. I'm gonna grab it. What is this? It says... there’s a bunch of writing. Rotten Tomatoes. Meta Critic. IM-DA-BUH. What? He’s saying something. Just read it?
Mark: So, uh... Beverly Hills Cop 3 is rated R.
Rotten Tomatoes: 10%
Mark: Um, you can see it on YouTube, Amazon Prime, like the river, VuDu,
Carol: Like a voodoo doll?
Mark: And Google? Like the number? A google is a one followed by a thousand zeros, I think.
Carol: How are you trying to figure out what a google is when there's some guy waiting to kill us or something?
Mark: Google Play. I have no idea what any of this means. Wait, what? No, this is our... this is our...
Mark: He wants the tape.
Carol: Give it to him!
Mark: Okay, everyone, I'm going to eject the tape and give it to him. It looks a little like my friend Mike.
Carol: Like an old Mike.
Mark: Ouch! Wait, who’s that next to him? Hey, that looks like me. Okay, we’re ejecting the tape now, and giving it to them.
Carol: Don't hurt us!